The Metal Sparrow
by Smenzer
Summary: A weird crossover between POTC and Star Wars. Jack finds the droid R2D2 and uses it to get out of trouble with Beckett. Humor. Oneshot.


The Metal Sparrow

Author: Smenzer

Characters: Jack, Pintel, Ragetti, Will, Elizabeth, Norrington and Beckett

Pairing: A slight hint of Will/Elizabeth

Status: Complete

Word Count: 1,800

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. The POTC characters belong to Disney or whoever owns the rights. R2D2 belongs to George Lucas. This is just for fun.

Summary: Jack Sparrow finds a droid from "Star Wars" and doesn't know what it is. So he does what comes naturally to him: cheat others and make money off it in Port Royal.

As Port Royal still slept, Jack Sparrow crept into town with the first rays of the morning sun. Well, perhaps crept was the wrong word. He swaggered boldly down the wooden pier with a half-empty rum bottle clutched in one hand, as bold as if he owned the town itself. He had thought up the perfect scheme this time, one that was sure to get the law off his back for good. Grinning, he glanced behind him to ascertain his new tubby friend was following. Seeing that it was, he grinned broadly and strutted even more boldly. Yes, he was going to be an honest man for a change and set up shop right in Port Royal! Knowing that it would bug Norrington and Beckett to no end pleased the pirate very much.

Pausing, Jack allowed his new companion to roll up beside him and he patted it on its round, metal head. Truthfully, Jack had no idea what the thing was. The pirate peered down at it for what must be the thousandth time, pondering exactly what it was he had found. He had been using his magic compass again, looking for a unique treasure and it had led him right to this … this.. treasure. Upon first sighting it, he had been a tad cautious, of course. He and the others had never seen anything like it before. It stood about waist tall with a round dome on top. Although it was silver-colored, it wasn't made from silver at all. There were blue bits on it as well, plus a round red eye that seemed to follow him. Even more odd the thing seemed to be alive! It could wheel about like a strange carriage and other times it flew like a bird, little puffs of air coming out its sides. The thing could talk, too. It produced odd sounds no one had ever heard before and it seemed to understand what they were saying. Once the pirate had figured out it wasn't dangerous, he had taken it onto the _Pearl_. It was certainly much better than that darn monkey!

"This looks like a good spot, don't ye think?" Jack ordered Pintel and Ragetti to put up the tent they had stolen several months ago. The pirates did as they bid and Jack perched himself on a chair he had borrowed from a nearby porch.

"Are ye sure this be wise, Captain?" Pintel asked nervously. "Them Navy folk will want to hang us again…"

"Yeah, and the EITC, too." Ragetti added.

Jack shooed the astromech droid into the tent, grinning. "Of course I be right. Has ol' Jack ever steered ye wrong before? Of course not! We got ourselves a real prize here and we're gonna rub it in ol' Beckett's face. Now why would he want some smelly ol' heart when we got this here piece o treasure?"

"But what _is_ it?" Pintel asked for the tenth time, his face scrunched up in confusion.

"I don't rightly know." Jack admitted as he took another swallow of rum. "But it'll be fun just the same. You just wait until people start waking up and paying us to look at our lovely … whatever it is."

Soon Port Royal started to wake up and before long there was a crowd gathered in front of Jack's tent.

"Come and see the wonders of all wonders!" Jack called out as he swaggered about in grand style in front of his tent; a wooden chest gripped with one arm for collecting payments. "The most rare of magical beasts I have here for ye today, a creature made of living metal! It walks, it talks and it even flies about! It's the enchanted Metal Sparrow! Only one doubloon for admission! Toddlers and wee babies are free!"

Soon a few brave soles handed the pirate coins and they were allowed into the tent. When they emerged it was with excited faces and they quickly ran off to tell their friends. Word spread around town as fast as a firestorm. Within the hour almost the entire town was pressing towards the tent, glittering coins clutched in their hands. Everyone wanted to see the wondrous Metal Sparrow.

"Jack!" Will called as he pressed his way through the crowd with much difficulty, Elizabeth holding onto his hand. "I can't believe you're the one running this sideshow we heard about. What have you got in there?"

"Yes, Mr. Sparrow." Norrington added as he also pressed his way through the crowd, Lord Beckett right on his heels. "What have you got in there? Swindling people out of their honest, hard-earned money?"

"Of course not!" Jack cried, one hand pressed to his chest in mock hurt. "Ye wound me, Commodore, is it?"

"Admiral, actually." Norrington admitted. His stealing the heart worked out in his favor quite nicely.

"Admiral, aye? Well, since ye served on me ship I'll let ye in for free. But _he_ has to pay the admission." Jack pointed a finger at Lord Beckett.

"Pay admission to the likes of you?" Beckett said, shocked by the pirate's bold words. "You're a pirate as we all know."

"But the heart was real, was it not? Ol' Jack has found an even _better_ treasure. Of course, if you're not interested…"

Beckett sighed loudly, digging a gold doubloon out of his pocket. "Very well, here's a coin for you. I can't believe I'm actually _paying_ you to look at whatever is in there. I must be loosing my mind…"

Jack gripped the opening of the tent, holding it open and motioned with his fee hand for them to enter. Will and Elizabeth, being Jack's old friends, were admitted free as well. Once inside, they all gathered around the astromech droid.

"What is it?" Will asked as he bent down to get a better look at it. "I never have seen anything like this before. Can I touch it?"

The pirate waved his hand about. "'Course, go right ahead. It be safe."

The blacksmith cautiously touched the droid, running his hand over the smooth metal. "I've never seen metal like this before. And what are these colored lights here?"

"Don't rightly know." Jack admitted, grinning as he eyed Beckett. The EITC man was staring at the Metal Sparrow with hunger in his eyes. It was obvious ol' Becky would soon want the metal creature for himself.

"Where did you find this … object?" Lord Beckett asked Jack as he moved closer to the pirate.

"On an island, of course. Don't all pirates find treasure on islands?" Jack replied innocently. "Do ye like it?"

"It does appear interesting." Lord Beckett replied. "You stated it was alive. Can you prove this?"

"'Course!" Jack waved his hand at the droid and it rolled around the tent on three little wheels. When the pirate dropped his trihorn hat on the floor, a long, thin metal arm with pinchers came out of the creature's body and picked up the hat, handing it to Jack. Smiling, the pirate placed his hat back onto his head. "Now up ye go and fly around!"

R2D2 made little jets come out his sides and bursts of air shot out of them. Up he went and he flew two circlets around the tent before he landed again.

Will, Elizabeth, Norrington and Beckett all had their mouths hanging open, their eyes as wide as can be.

"I bet it can do a lot more, too." Jack admitted.

"How much do you want for it?" Lord Beckett asked the pirate.

"Well, as it be a one-of-a-kind creature, enchanted no less, it won't be cheap. Surely ye understand that, err Becky?"

Beckett frowned at Jack's misuse of his name but allowed it to slide. "Yes, I realize that. What if I offer you and your fellow pirates full pardons?"

"That be a good start, Becky…"

"What more could you possibly want?" Beckett asked him, truly puzzled by what else a man like Jack could want.

"Well, I want Jones off me back, for one. Second, I want Jones to free a man named Bootstrap. And third, I want rum. Lots and lots o rum."

Everyone looked from Jack to Lord Beckett.

Beckett stared at the pirate, shocked at what the man all wanted. "You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Sparrow."

"Captain, Captain Sparrow!" Jack reminded him. Leaning closer to Beckett, Jack grinned. "Did I mention it could make lightning?"

"Lightning?" Beckett repeated, eyes wide.

Jack swaggered up to the droid and patted it on the dome. "Show 'em how ye can make lightning."

R2 opened a little panel and blue-white bolts of electricity leaped out, the air sizzling.

"Done!" Lord Beckett shouted.

A few hours later Jack returned to the _Black Pearl_ a free man, free yet he could go do all the pirating he wanted. Jones wouldn't bother him any more, either. And Will had his father back. Jack frowned a bit at that. Poor Bootstrap would have a hard time fitting into life at Port Royal with all them barnacles living on his skin. His appearance had already caused a big commotion in town. And best of all, if he found any more odd things he could go sell them to Becky. The fool would be all too happy to buy them.

"Captain." Pintel said as he and Ragetti approached Jack as he stood at the helm. "Why did ye sell that thing to Beckett?"

"'Cuz it was bloody useless, that's why." Jack explained matter-of-factly. "Think, gents. What use could it be put to? It can wheel about but it can't carry anything. It can make some lightning but it doesn't go very far. And don't see how it flying about could be useful, either."

"Never thought of that…"

"Besides, everyone in town already saw it and we got the coins. Ol' Becky won't be able to raise a shilling off it now. It be a fancy paperweight…"

Pintel and Ragetti laughed. The Captain had swindled Beckett good!

"Ye want to know what I first thought when I saw it?" Jack asked them. "I was thinking, now there's a barrel o rum!"

The End!


End file.
